where we are now

Now that we are settled into an apartment, I have noticed a change in my perspective. That move made the whole thing real. Before that, we could just punt on the whole thing and laugh about it. Now we are going. Things that bothered me about living and working here just don't get to me anymore. The traffic is just as bad as before, but I don't care. My boss is a pain, but I don't care. None of this matters anymore. It is very liberating. Don't get me wrong, I still get worked up over some things. They are just different things. My focus has changed.

Unplugging from our current life is a lot of work. I have a list of things that need to be done, but most of them cannot be done too far in advance. Many of them cannot be done until we own a boat. That is a year away. In the interim I do research and accomplish things as I can. One by one we go through our list of things and check them off or find a solution. We still need to downsize our closets. We have WAY too many clothes for living on a boat, but there is no hurry. We have a year to get there. We have to decide which furniture we are going to keep and store, and which we are going to give away. We have a car and an SUV that we have to get rid of. The list goes on, but most of the big things are getting done or at least decided.

Then there are the new things. All of us need to take first aid classes. There are immunizations that you need if you are travelling to many of the places we want to go. I'm not even sure my current shots are up to date. The kids' passports need to be renewed. We have decided to take our cat with us, so we need to become educated on what we need to have or do to travel with an animal.

We are going to the Bahamas next March for a week, just to remind ourselves of what we are going to do. There is some planning for that, but nothing out of the ordinary for a vacation. Most of our time now is being spent in thought. How do we want to do things? What do we want to do? So do not fear, while there may not be a lot of action over the next few months, as we decide things, we will let you know.

The Name

Many people name their cars and/or give them a gender. We've never been the type to do such a thing. Boats are unique in that way though. For some reason (I'm sure my husband would know exactly why), boats are always 'female' in gender. Every boat must have a name, because that's how it is identified. Much like your house has a specific address, your boat must have a specific name. So, we've been thinking of names for the boat. I know it seems way too early to do such a thing, but much like parents planning for a child, it seems like a logical thing to do, for us. Now I will tell you that we have picked a name, and all four of us undoubtedly agree on it. However, I should give you a background story so you'll understand why we will use that name:

It was September of 1998 and we were living in Colorado. We were just arriving home to our apartment complex after having been visiting with friends. It was late, and cold. That night was predicted to be the first heavy snow of the season, and judging from the air temperature, it seemed they were predicting it correctly. We were supposed to get around a foot of snow, and it was predicted that it would stay for awhile (if not all winter). Since it was late, there were no parking spots close by our stairwell (of course - the joys of apartment living), so we parked a little way down and began our brisk walk to the door. 

I heard her before I saw her. It was a kitten and she was crying. I immediately began looking around for the sound, and following the cry (I always did have a soft heart when it came to animals). Then I saw her. She was just inside the fence near the building, and she and I both froze upon seeing each other. I remember my breath hitching as I noticed her right paw seemed to look wrong. It seemed like it was mangled or disfigured (from what I could judge in the dark, at a distance). I began to slowly walk towards her talking softly to her. I expected her to immediately run, but she didn't. She just sat there watching me. I got to the fence and realized she wasn't hurt at all. She was a polydactyl (a condition where the cat has additional toes on their paw). She was filthy, but beautiful to me all the same. She was black and white with the appearance of a normal American breed cat, except for her paws, which were exceptional. She had large green eyes that stayed on me while I stood and talked to her. I asked her why she was out all alone, and where she lived. Of course I got no answer from her, I only got her eyes boring into me. I fell in love with her immediately and exclaimed to my husband that she was a polydactyl. I was worried about the oncoming storm. It was supposed to be really bad and I feared for her safety. But, we already had two cats waiting for us upstairs. We had both agreed, after the second of those two, we would have no more. I begrudgingly sighed, wished her a safe evening, and trudged up to the apartment. As soon as I turned my back on her, I saw her sprint under the row of cars in front of the apartment. I hoped she would be okay.

As soon as we got upstairs and in the door (we lived on the second floor of three), I began voicing my fears to my husband. The poor little thing was clearly alone. It was supposed to be so cold (well below freezing), with so much snow. How would the little thing survive? I wondered how long it had been since she'd eaten, she was clearly filthy and had been out awhile. My husband (never being the one to be able to say no to me) sighed heavily and said fine. If I went back out there and the cat came to me, then we could bring her in for the night and feed her. He said he didn't want me prowling the complex looking for her (she was probably gone anyway), but I could step out the door and call for her and see if she would come. So I did just that. I stepped outside onto the breezeway and stood at the top of the stairs looking down on the row of cars that I had seen her run under. I called for her, just a fews kitty kitties. She came running out from under a dark green jeep, bolting up the stairs, and straight into my arms. I took her inside and straight to the spare bedroom, where we then closed her in away from the other cats. She immediately hid under the futon we had in there, and I left her to get her some food and water. I spent the next several hours closed in there with her. I sat talking softly to her and coaxing her out from under the futon. She eventually edged her way to the front, where I could get a good look at her. She was even more beautiful up close. Her coloring was as I had described, except her paws were all completely white. She had extra toes, but more to my surprise, her front legs looked liked she had actually tried to grow a second paw each. She had seven toes on each front foot, with one extra claw on each rear foot. I immediately named her. I told her I would call her Lily for her lily white paws. I also knew that unless I could find a previous owner, she was mine.

I spent the next few days looking for her owners. No one had heard of anyone looking for a cat. There were no missing cat reports that matched her description. She seemed alone. We took her to the vet to have her looked over. She was healthy, about a year and a half old (though she had the appearance of looking much younger) and had already been spayed. My other two cats had been declawed, but I feared doing such a thing to her. I felt she needed her claws for protection (especially since, at full grown, she was half the size of my oldest cat - who was as mean as they come). I was also afraid that declawing her would cripple her, considering how unique her paws were (a fear my vet agreed with). So we brought her home and introduced her to her two new brothers. She was clearly trained on where and when to use her claws, and not to get onto counters or tables. She had obviously been an inside cat before. She also had a extreme fear of dogs. A dog's bark from outside would send her cowering under the bed till I coaxed her out. I wondered if her previous owners had a dog that perhaps wasn't very nice to her. She had a knack for getting out. On more than one occasion she would slip out the door when we went to leave, only to be carried back into the house. We figured she must have slipped out while her previous owners were moving, and they either couldn't find her, or simply chose to leave her. I knew that I had saved her that night, and that she had picked me at the same time.

That would not be the first occasion that I would save her. Over the course of her life, I saved her countless times. My oldest cat loved to use her as a chew toy, which I did not tolerate. I'm not sure how many times I saved her from being trapped by him (under the bed, behind the toilet, behind furniture, etc). After the kids were around, Lily seemed to constantly get shut into a room or closet by one of them (purely by accident, but traumatic none the less). She never seemed worried when I found her. She knew she only had to cry, and I would come. One time I heard her crying from downstairs, and went running upstairs. My daughter (who was only a toddler at the time) had tied Lily to her bed because she didn't want Lily to leave her room. I untied the poor thing and had a talk with my daughter on how dangerous such a thing was for the kitty. I chuckled at Lily, it was like her crying was 'tattling' on my daughter.

Lily got out on several occasions as well, and was usually immediately caught and put back inside. However their were a few times that she didn't get caught and we thought we had lost her. One such time was on the night we brought my son home from the hospital. My parents had come down to visit and see their grandchild. They got in late, and we told them to unpack the next morning since it was dark out. After we went to bed, they decided to unpack anyway and accidentally let my Lily out. We were frantic at her absence the next morning. We roamed the neighborhood calling her, and we put up fliers everywhere. It was three days until we got a call from a neighbor, three doors down, saying she had seen our little one hiding under her porch. My husband went down to personally thank the women and look at the place she had seen our cat. Surprisingly, Lily was still there, too afraid to come out. She had probably been there the whole time.

One time I went outside onto the back patio, only to have Lily run up to me from under a bush. She had gotten out (one of the kids had probably not been paying attention) and was ready to come back in. The very last time she got out, her absence wasn't noticed until she didn't arrive for breakfast. I ransacked the house looking for her before I realized she had probably gotten out when the door had stood open for the delivery guy the night before. I went out with the flashlight and called for her. I was frantic. She was an old lady at this point, where would she go? I remember stopping and looking at the house and thinking "which way would she go?". I knew that she would have stayed under cover and in the shadows. I followed the bushes around. I began following the house, fence, and flower beds of each house. I didn't care that I looked like a creepy stalker with a flashlight up at people's houses. I had to find her. I did find her four houses down. I heard her calling for me, as I was calling for her. She had been so afraid that she had wedged herself deep into a bush. I couldn't even see how she could have gotten in there, let alone how to get her out. She had been so scared that she had urinated on herself and just laid there. I finally, out of desperation, reached into that bush with my hand. I grabbed ahold of her by the nap of her neck, and just lifted her through the bush. I cradled her all the way home telling her how she was safe and going home.

Last December, Lily finally went to a place I couldn't save her. She was around 17 years old. She had a mini-stroke that compromised her badly. She had trouble walking, and I would carry her to her food, water, litter box, the bed, and the couch. The second mini-stroke another week later took her from me. She laid on my arm, while I whispered I loved her, as she parted from my life.

I can't begin to describe to you how important a part of my life Lily became. She I and were the best of friends. She was always in my lap, or sleeping under the covers with me. She was my own personal 'live' stuffed animal. Whenever I was sad or depressed, she was always there to give me comfort. I cried for several months after I lost her, and writing this causes me to tear up again. Everyone who ever met my Lily fell in love with her. I was fortunate she chose to spend her life with me.

The whole house felt her loss. As we continued our discussions about the boat, it was without hesitation as to what we would name it. It will be christened 'The Liliana' after my beloved, departed, friend. She will live on in our hearts and memories, forever.

Questions

We have had lots of questions from family and friends. Our children told their friends and classmates, at the end of last year, that they wouldn’t be back the next year (because we were going to go sail the world). No one believed them. Then, when they realized the house was for sale, we were moving, the kids weren’t coming back this year, they started asking wtf? People were freaking out. I had one mother actually tell me her daughter NEEDED her friend (my daughter). I had a mother of one of my son's friends calling frantically to find out what it would mean for her son. I didn't worry too much about calls and texts like this. Children's friends change on a yearly basis. With my kids out of school for the year before we left, their kids would fill those spots along the way. Not to say they wouldn't miss my kids, but they weren't going to be traumatized by their absence either.

What about my son’s baseball? My response: He quit. I know, after all those years, he gave it up (something he was really good at). But it was his decision, and he was adamant about not returning.

What about my son’s talent in orchestra? My response: Yes, he's extremely talented with his bass, but it's not like he had plans of doing that as a life career. It’ll still be there if that’s what he wants when we come back. He's fine with putting it on the back burner and filling that spot with YouTube videos of 2Cellos. In the meantime he can take his guitar with him. People always enjoy listening to good music around a beach campfire!

What about my daughter’s volleyball? My response: She quit to spend more time in gymnastics. She only played volleyball to hang out with friends anyway. As her friends started moving to competitive, the sport lost its fun for her. She was good enough to go competitive like her friends, but that's not what she wanted. She only wanted to play to have fun and hang out. Think about the fun she'll have playing beach volleyball!

What about my daughter's gymnastics? My response: It’ll still be there, if she wants it, when we return. She has zero plans to compete, she just likes being able to do cartwheels, roundoffs, flips, beams, and turning herself into a pretzel. In the meantime, she can practice on a beach as easily as in class.

What about my children's education? My response: It’s taken care of. The children have a rigorous curriculum, through an accredited private school, that directly works with colleges. It's not really homeschooling, so much as distance learning. We aren't registered, nor did we have to fill out paperwork, for homeschooling. They 'transferred' from their current schools to their private school (which has a real campus in Vermont). They won't have to get up early and waste at least a half of a day in regular school. There won't be any wasted time on STAAR/TAKS tests. They don't have to do any 'regular testing' along the way, by the state, to 'prove' they are learning. They have regular curriculum (that has normal class tests), with regular teachers that grade their work and keep up with their transcripts. The only difference is they do the work at home, instead of at the campus. They will even get AP courses through John Hopkins University if they want it. Most public school's AP courses are no longer getting recognized by the colleges, because they aren't really getting taught at that level. The AP courses being offered to my children are directly through a university. The credit will apply after they pass at the end of the term. They still get access to all the technical and science courses as well. The education they’re going to get will be better than what they would have gotten if we stayed. They can even have a normal middle school and high school graduation if they want it (we'll just have to travel to the actual school in Vermont to walk across stage). Yes, they get real diplomas, not testing for a GED at the end of the day. It's as if they are actually attending a private school. If, after we're done traveling, they want to return to regular school, they can transfer right back in. No testing for placement or worrying that credits won't transfer. A lot of time and thought went into this. Trust me, their education is taken care of.

What about my children's friends, won't they miss them? My response: Of course they will miss their friends. But the children have no reservations about doing this. They want to go. And, well, lets see, phone calls, facetime, texting, emails, etc. True friends will stay connected no matter the distance.

What about socialization for the kids on the boat? Won't it be lonely, just the four of you, on the boat all day every day? My response: It's not like you imagine. We won't be out there, all day every day, surrounded by nothing but water, with just each other to talk to. There are lots of families out doing this. I mean LOTS. We have being reading blog upon blog of families that have been doing this for years, and some that just started recently. Typically you sail to a destination, put out anchor, and hang there for a few months (or several if you want). While you travel from place to place, you realize you keep seeing the same boat that also has kids on board. Your kids play with their kids, go to shore together, play with the locals. After you've been doing it awhile, the kids will know lots of other kids sailing just like we are. They will form bonds at sea just like they do on land. Socialization will take care of itself. More importantly though, is my children will no longer be subject to the 'mistaken' socialization that happens in regular school. It's almost impossible for a teen to be themselves without scrutiny these days. Gone will be the worry over the right clothes, the kind of stuff you have, what you look like, what sport you play, or how smart you are. I've seen my kids, this past six weeks alone, become more of themselves than ever. Their concern for the crap that kids think are so important (that really have zero importance in real life) is disappearing. My children are becoming more and more confident as the day goes by, and will only become more so while traveling.

What if someone gets injured or sick? My response: Of course there will be injuries and illness. But we aren't leaving civilization for goodness sake. There will still be doctors, hospitals, and dentists for that matter. The sailing community even has forums for you to find good ones. Even better, how many times has your child gotten an ear infection, strep, sinus infection, etc? In the U.S. that means a trip to the doctor just to get a prescription (even though you know what your child is suffering from). Outside the U.S., you can get antibiotics over the counter at a fraction of the cost. I will only have to see doctors or hospitals in extreme cases, unlike here.  If you like that dentist that cleans your teeth every six months and can't imagine using someone else, then simply travel back to that dentist every six months. Nothing says you have to never see them again. We can plan a yearly trip back for all of our well visits with the doctors we've been seeing for years. Our schedule is flexible to accommodate stuff like that. As for the occasional broken bone, or needed stitches, there will be decent doctors and hospitals for that. As a mother, my children's health is of prime concern. A lot of thought went into this one too.

What about phones calls and internet? How will you be able to stay in touch with family and friends? My response: Again, people, we are not leaving civilization. Do you really think, as technologically bound as we are, that we'd just leave all that behind? No, obviously we won't. There may be times while traveling to a new destination, for a day or two, we could be without cell phone service or internet. But in general, we will hook into whatever cell tower or wifi is offered wherever we go. We're still looking into all the available options out there, but by the time we go, we'll have decided. We will have a satellite phone, no matter what, for emergencies and location spotting. We aren't just going to disappear and never be heard from again (although, I must admit, that idea is appealing...).

What if the boat breaks down and you get stranded in the middle of nowhere? My response: Just like a car breaks down, or a house needs repairs, obviously the boat will, at some point, break down. When that happens, it won't be conveniently next to the dock. That's why we're choosing a boat with two engines and two bathrooms. The odds of both breaking at the same time are next to zero. If that did magically happen, it would probably be different parts on each, which means you can steal parts from one to make the other work and go on with only one. You keep critical spare parts and sails on board. You plan for the fact that repairs have to happen along the way, and you are meticulous with your daily inspections of everything on board (especially before heading under way). Also, you can call your friend on that other boat, via VHF, and have them bring you what you need. You can pay a yearly fee that's like a car's AAA, to get rescue and towing if needed. The routes you travel are like highways, they are the same routes all the other boats travel. Worst case, you can flag another vessel, on their way by, for help. Even more worst case scenario, you could radio the coast guard for help. You won't be forever stranded and end up like 'Cast Away'.

What about pirates? Aren't you worried about being abducted or killed? My response: Yes, there are pirates out there and stories of people that have been abducted, held ransom, or killed. You do realize that every time you get into a car you risk getting killed, right? How many stories have you heard of people getting shot, raped, abducted, homes broken into, etc in your own state this year, let alone the entire United States? Do you let any of those stories stop you from taking your child to school, leaving your home to go out, or flying to see grandma? Fear is not a reason to stop you from doing something. We will be listening in, on the same VHF station, that every sailing vessel listens to. When the warning of pirate activity in a region comes to light, obviously you avoid that region. If you absolutely must go through that region, you don't go alone. These pirate vessels are little 2-4 man power boats out to take advantage of an easy target. They won't attack a group going through. Just like you tell your daughter to go with friends, and not alone. You travel with others for safety. You can also avoid that hurricane too, just move your house (or boat in this case). Safety is paramount in the sailing community. All vessels look out for each other. We'll be just as safe (or not safe depending on your point of view) sailing around the world, as we would be traveling in our own country.

Aren't you worried a big whale or shark will tip your boat over and you'll become fish food (yes, I actually got that question asked)? My response: You do know that 'Jaws' was a movie, and not real right? Yes, you are going to see lots of sea life (dolphins love to play in the boat's wake). That's one of the really cool perks to sailing. Yes, there are sharks in certain areas (like Australia right now). That means you don't go swimming if you are there. But large aquatic animals are not going to tip our boat over and eat us. If our boat did manage to get tipped over, it'll float upside down as easily as right side up (another advantage to a catamaran). The boat would be trashed, but we wouldn't drown or get eaten. Don't worry, we'll have insurance, and the coast guard is only a radio call away.

What about the cat (this is usually asked like an OMG)? My response: He's going with us. The kids won't give him up. He's only three, and he'll be a great use against rodents and bugs (should there be any, which there probably won't be if you're careful putting supplies on board). Cats are natural sailors (generations of ships in the past made sure they carried them on board). We've even trained the cat to use a special litter box that will work on the boat. We've seen many vessels with pets on board (they have little green outdoor carpet rugs for the little doggy to do his business on), the cat will have the time of his life.

How can you just pick up and go like that? My response: Why not? Tell me one person that doesn’t want to run away from their life. Who says you can’t? Most of the families out, doing this right now, have had to save up their money for months or years to then travel. Other families are lucky to be able to work 'at home' (or on the boat in this case), so that they can travel continuously. Most of the families already out there do not have the constant income we will have. We have the fortunate ability to be able to do this, we would be fools to pass up the chance. What my children will get in life skills alone, while we are traveling, will far exceed anything they could have gotten if we stayed here.

Usually, after all of the above questions have been answered, I get one more:
Will you adopt me? My response: No. But feel free to call us if you're looking for a quick vacation and need a place to stay, in the beautiful sunshine, surrounded by perfect blue water and great weather.

So, that’s where we are. We’re running away from life and taking our children with us. No, we won’t adopt you, but it was worth asking ;-)

that was fast

As you have probably noticed, my wife has started publishing her own blog. That way she can get 'the other side of the story' out in her own words. I think that is great. I know that I see things differently than she does. Now that she has caught up to where I left off, I will continue.

So we have been out for a week. We can do this. The boat will work out as long as we solve the problems on my list. We have already ordered and received the curriculum for the new schooling. What do we do next? Simplify, simplify, simplify.

Brenda and I started talking about what we needed to accomplish over the next eighteen months to be ready to go. We have been living in a full house with attic and garage for fourteen years. A lot of stuff has just built up around us. All of it has to be gone through and culled out as much as possible. At some point we need to be able to carry everything with us. Not stuff like kitchen pots and pans, but things like books, computers, clothing, etc. We started thinking and talking about how to get there. We also started looking at how to get out of home ownership.

We thought about renting our house out while we were gone. That way we would have a fallback if it turned out to be a fiasco. We decided not to do that because we really don't want to stay here even if we don't stay on a boat. If you don't want to live where you are, why keep the house and try to rent it so that you can come back. Anyway, we decided we would get rid of it.

When? At first we thought we would try to sell it in Summer or Fall of 2015, right before I retire. That way we could enjoy the space for a while longer, and we would have all that time to slowly go through all our stuff. Then we started thinking...What if the market is bad next year? What if there is a storm and we lose the roof? What if......

Brenda said, 'You know, the market is good right now.' Off we go. Turns out the market IS good right now. Frisco is a place people want to be. We decided to list the house for what we thought was a ridiculously high price. If it doesn't sell, we can pull it and relist next Spring. What could go wrong?

It sold in 7 hours for 5k more than we were asking.

No sh*t. Now what? We gotta pack. They want to close in three weeks. We don't even have any boxes. Brenda is recovering from a surgery and cannot lift more than five pounds. I don't have any time I can take off of work. This will be GREAT. No really.

All I can say it that we are not afraid of stress and deadlines. We did have to hire movers to do the actual heavy lifting, since Brenda could not help. Brenda and the kids did a great job of getting the house packed. We all went through things and got rid of a room full of stuff either to friends or donations. Really, an entire room piled floor to ceiling just left. We found a three bedroom apartment just around the corner that we could move in to. All the assorted lawn and patio stuff went to friends or my parents. Five weeks after thinking about selling, we were settling into apartment living.

The Plan

Our original plan was to stay in our house until my husband retired, then sell the house, and move to Florida. We would rent for six months while we found and bought a boat, then store our furniture and set sail. I starting checking home sale prices, and Frisco was hot. I proposed we sell now, pay everything off, rent here for a year saving our money (no house repairs), then move to Florida after retirement. My husband wasn’t to keen on the idea at first, until I started pointing out the money we would need, and the money we would lose in house repairs over the next year. I also pointed out that if we got the money I expected we could get, we would be able to take another trip to charter a boat on our own in the Bahamas to show the kids just how fun this all could be (without Captain Asshat). We decided to price the house high (since we didn't really HAVE to sell), and if it didn't sell we could try again in the Spring. But if it did manage to sell, we would be that much better off. So, just like that, we put the house on the market. The damn thing sold in 7 hours for 5k over our already high asking price with guaranteed funds despite appraisal value. We couldn’t pass it up. Three weeks later we were moved into an apartment, all debt gone, simply waiting for time to pass. That is where we are now. The kids spend their days doing school work, going to guitar lessons and gymnastics, and hanging with friends. We’re saving money for the move to Florida in 14-16 months. We’ve booked another boat trip for March in the Bahamas. Jeff spends his spare time looking at boats, maps, and useful articles. Time will fly fast. Before we know it, another move day will be here.

We Could Do This

Now, we knew we could do this (despite the sucky summer vacation). We could get a boat, sail into the sunset, travel the world, and take our children with us. I began to push for taking more steps forward. We decided to pull the kids from school a year early, and start their distance learning programs. That way we would be familiar with how that all worked before the upheaval of leaving shore (and having our oldest starting high school). We found an accredited private school in Vermont that caters to traveling families. They provide the curriculum and teachers, but all of the work is done at home. The work is sent to the teacher every two weeks to grade and give feedback. I began looking at the budget and realized a few things. One, we needed to start saving some serious cash if we were going to move to Florida and hunt for a boat. Two, the house repairs were going to drain us drastically. I think we should sell.

Stay tuned for more.....

Summer Vacation

My husband decided to book a sailing trip over summer vacation. That would help us decide if it was something we could handle. He decided a catamaran was the best choice for me to help alleviate many of my fears. We flew to Florida, and learned to sail over a week in July. I’ll be honest, the entire trip sucked. It sucked for reasons completely unrelated to the reasons we were doing it, but it still sucked.

The boat was older, and had no screens. My poor daughter was so eaten up with mosquitoes by the end of the trip, that I was afraid they wouldn’t let her on the airplane home thinking she might have chicken pox! Our captain (Captain Arno) was a complete ass. He took the best cabin with the best bathroom. Our bathroom stunk the whole trip. Captain Arno provisioned the boat not taking children into account at all. Needless to say, there was a serious lack of food for a growing boy. While Captain Arno ‘technically’ taught my son and I to sail, it was very minimal to say the least. He taught us just enough to ‘check the box’, and then moved on. When provisions began to run out, and my son was reduced to peanut butter and honey sandwiches, the man actually hid the honey fearing my son would use it all and it couldn’t be used in the man’s nasty coffee! There were thunderstorms every single day. The thunderstorms were the only ‘wind’ we got to sail in. Otherwise we spent the whole trip ‘motor sailing’. The bay we were sailing in looked like nasty pond water (forget swimming, let alone snorkeling). We would anchor everyday without ever getting a chance to use a dinghy to go ashore. Showers were impossible with a strange man about (at least for us girls). Captain Arno finished everyday with his phone in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. There was plenty of booze for him, but no food for us. At one point my daughter and I went up top at 5:30am (to escape the mosquitoes in her cabin) and entertained the thought of grabbing a couple of lifejackets, swimming to Miami (which we could see from where we were sitting), and taking a cab back to Fort Lauderdale. We figured we could get a hotel room, hang at the beach, and wait on the boys to return after the trip. Ironically, my husband found us there and listened dutifully while we went on a tirade about how sucky the trip was. We bailed on the trip a day early, got a hotel room, and spend the day at Fort Lauderdale beach before coming home.

Now, this didn’t deter us in anyway from the real goals. The real goals were: could we live this way, and were we comfortable sailing? We all agreed we could do it WITHOUT Captain Asshat, and on a new boat with better toilets, shower facilities, and screens on the dang ports! Also, a dinghy was a must so we could actually get to the beach we were anchored off of, and at no time were we to ever go back to Biscayne Bay with it’s nasty pond water. We would sail in beautiful blue water that we could swim and snorkel in. My husband began a list of things he needed to find solutions for to ensure he wouldn’t find his wife and daughter swimming away in life jackets.

To be continued....

We Could Run Away!

We could run away. We began to discuss places we could go, and things we could do. I began to think about actually seeing the world. I started to see us showing our children the world. I began to realize there has to be more to life that who has the biggest house, the fanciest car, the largest number of Xbox games, the best grades, and the most friends. I wanted to show my children that the life we were living wasn’t life! I wanted to show them the pyramids of Egypt rather than just read about them. I wanted to have them actually help the orphanage in Ghana rather than watch it on TV. I wanted them to get their hands dirty helping to clean the animals after an oil spill rather than discuss how tragic it was over dinner. My husband and I were beginning to lose that feeling of what was missing, and instead looking forward to filling that mysterious void with adventure. Problem 1, an RV can’t drive to Egypt. Problem 2, I refuse to homeschool the children. Problem 3, my husband still had two years to go before he could retire.

So, I began to read more blogs on my own about sailing families. I began to discuss my fears of going that route, and watched my husband take each fear and find a solution for it. I watched my children getting excited when overhearing our conversations. My husband found solutions to educating the children that didn’t involve me homeschooling them. He had me hook, line, and sinker. I decided if we were going to do this, then let’s start immediately.

Stay tuned for more......

I Let Go

Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m a very controlling, anxious, OCD person. I make plans, and then follow those plans. When I make plans for others, I expect them to be followed. I worry over EVERYTHING. I’m the type of person that is wound up 100% of the time. Why am I this way? That’s like asking why I’m caucasian with dark hair and hazel eyes. I was born this way. I saw so much of myself in my son. I began to see so much of myself that it was frightening. My son deserved better than that. My daughter deserved better than that. And well, my poor husband certainly deserved a break from that at the very least. So, as I said, I let go. I began to realize that my children have to make their own path. I also began to realize that my husband and I need to make our own path as well.

I began to entertain the thought of traveling. Like any parent, I would love to take my children to see the world. We just always assumed we had to wait till the kids were gone. But, did we? Why not take them with us? Why not run away and see the world? Seriously, before you roll your eyes and say “yea, right”, ask the question. Why not?

Of course I was still dead set against a boat. There was no way I’m going to take my children out onto the ocean to drown, become fish food, or be taken by pirates. Not a chance. So my dear husband said, “What about an RV?” He was excited. While I hadn’t agreed to sail off into the sunset, I was entertaining the thought of running away with the kids and traveling. He knew half the battle was won. I began to worry about how to educate the children, how to afford to travel, how to handle emergencies, etc. My husband began feeding me blogs about other sailing families. I begrudgingly read them, knowing they wouldn't change my mind. Then we traveled to an RV dealership and spent the day prowling through RV’s. I was intrigued. We found potential solutions to school. I was more intrigued. We went over the amount of money he would be bringing in after retirement, and I was sold. We could do this! We could run away!

More of the story on the way....

Why?

Why? Why were we living life the way we were? Because that’s what we had been taught. Our parents, the media, the schools, other parents all said the same thing. You spend your years as a parent paving the road for your children to have a better life. After your kids are gone you can have your own life again. But in reality, we were simply paving the road for our children to have the same life. The same life we had, and the same life our parents had. Now, again, don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with living life the way we were. The ‘American Dream’ is just a dream for some. We had so much more than most. The problem was that we were greedy. We wanted MORE for our children, MORE for us. But what was MORE?

The stress of my husband’s job got worse every year. Every year there was more talk of sailing into the sunset. Every time I stood my ground that it wasn’t right for me or the kids. Then the high cholesterol numbers and high blood pressure numbers got worse and worse for my husband. Medication was no longer an option, but a necessity. I realized that he would have to retire when he was eligible. If he didn’t, he might not be around for my daughter’s high school graduation. I began to work the numbers. How were we going to keep this life for our kids on a lower income? Then I would chastise myself. Most families with two incomes brought in half what my husband did, and they were fine. We would just have to downsize so we could keep that golden path for our kids to run on.

Then several things happened all at once. My son broke his foot and missed a whole season of baseball, and then he decided to quit all together. My daughter became one of the ‘cool’ kids and befriended some really mean girls. The elementary school curriculum seemed to get worse every year. The middle school felt more like a prison to my son than a learning environment. My son started getting remarks like “Dude, are you Asian or something?” since he was so smart in class. My daughter would get teased if a blemish popped up on her face. My son began to hide how smart and talented he was. My daughter began to make mean remarks about others. I was disappointed that my son had quit baseball after a decade of playing. I was disappointed that my daughter was turning into a ‘mean girl’. I realized I was ‘disappointed’ that my children were straying from my ‘golden path’. They were branching out on their own and trying to find their own path. I realized that the whole ‘college plan’ wasn’t working for the majority of current college graduates. There was hundreds of articles discussing how college might not be worth the money anymore. I began to wonder why we were doing any of it. Why? So, I let go.

Stay tuned, more to come......

"Pipe Dream" Part 3 of 3

Our children are amazing. My son excelled at school. He was GT material and had been honored by Duke University to take the ACT in the seventh grade. He was fantastic in baseball. The coaches and teammates loved him. His music was phenomenal. Right off the bat he was competing and winning. He even went to All-Region as a 7th grader, and got in. His college application was going to be fantastic. My daughter was running on that golden path as well. She excelled in school, took piano, played volleyball, and started gymnastics. Her teachers adored her. We had volleyball coaches clamoring for her to join their team, and she was in intermediate gymnastics inside of 3 months with her natural flexibility. The American Dream was ours.

We had done everything we were ‘supposed’ to do. There we were again. Everything was perfect. The children were in the best schools. We had them in music and sports to ensure they would have those extracurricular activities needed for college application. We had the big house with a pool, an SUV for carting the kids and their friends around, college savings plan all set up, the latest and greatest clothes, the current electronics for gaming, cell phones for all of us, and paving the road like we were supposed to for our children. After all, that’s what you’re supposed to do right? Get good grades in school, get into college, get a great job, get married, buy a house, have kids, etc.

It only took four years this time. Of course, the entire four years that feeling stayed. Something was missing. What was it? My husband’s pipe dream was repeated often. He had a countdown to retirement. I frequently pointed out that our daughter would still be in middle school when he wanted to retire. He would have to work till she was through college. We owed our kids having all those great chances. Our time would have to wait. We realized we were our parents. We were repeating the same cycle we had been taught. Don’t get me wrong, it was fantastic. We loved our life, but that feeling of being unsatisfied remained. It all began to unravel for me when I saw a post by a twelve year old on Facebook. It was a paper about what was the point of life. I wish I could find the post as I would relay the exact verbiage here. But the last line stuck with me anyway. “We’ve all been taught the cycle of get good grades, get a degree, get a good paying job, get married, buy a house, have kids, repeat. But has anyone ever stopped to ask the question: Why?”

I'll stop there for now. Stay tuned. More is on the way.....

"Pipe Dream" Part 2 of 3

One night, while laying in bed talking before sleep, kids came up. Maybe we should have kids? After all, we’ll need someone to take care of us when we get old. We figured it wouldn’t change us. We were special. We were unique. We were naive. It took a year of trying before our beautiful son graced us with his presence. It wasn’t easy, but he was here, and we were officially a family. A family whose other family lived two states away. We found ourselves unable to do everything we had done before since you can’t take an infant skiing, or primitive camping, or happy hour for that matter. We hadn’t thought about those things. It sure would be easier if we had a family member we could trust to leave our son with so we could run amok like we used to. So we sold our first house, moved back to Texas, and built our second house in The Colony, Texas.

Now, we had planned to just have the one child. After all, you can give one child the world, but two children meant only 1/2 the world each, three children 1/3 each, etc. We did the typical parent things. We found a playgroup for our son, started a college savings plan, and began to lay out all the plans we were going to have for him. One day my son asked me that unexpected question: “Mommy, when are you going to have another baby?” “Um, uh, geez sweetheart, why do you ask?” He thought having a younger sibling was a great idea. Someone to play with he insisted. So again, there we lay with our late night conversations, and muse over giving in to our son’s idea. We were good parents, we had a huge house, lots of friends, and plenty of money for another child. So why not? Let’s have one more, just one more. Two was the limit, we both agreed.

My son was 2 1/2 when our daughter was born. He was enamored with her, just as he promised. From the day we brought our daughter home, she and her older brother became a pair. So there we were as a foursome now. Two parents, two kids, three cats, big house, nice car, savings plan, etc. Picture perfect. We researched and found the best schools (of course), made sure our children were extra prepared for school, and spend seven years in that one house. My son was in the third grade, and my daughter in kindergarten, when there was that feeling again. We had both been having it. We’d been having it for awhile, but it was easy to put on the back burner with our hectic schedules. We had everything, the picture perfect life, with the picture perfect kids. What was missing? Something had to be missing because neither of us were satisfied with our lives. There was my husband again and his ‘pipe dream’. No way could we do that, in my opinion. What about our children? They deserved everything we had. We’d have to consider something like that after the kids were gone. I figured it was that feeling of escapism he had, and I seemed to have it too. We told ourselves we needed to move. Maybe a move would help with that dissatisfied feeling. After all, The Colony’s middle schools were atrocious, and we couldn’t have our children in that kind of environment. We again searched for the best place to live with the best schools. We sold our second house, and bought our third house in Frisco, Texas.

To be continued in Part 3.....

"Pipe Dream" - Part 1 of 3

“Pipe Dream”. Yea, that was always my response to my husband’s ‘grand plan’ to travel and sail the world. I always shook my head and mumbled “pipe dream”.

As long as I’ve know my husband, that has always been his dream. When we were dating, I rolled my eyes when he went on about it. After we were married, he continued with the same dream. Only he would say that one day he’d convince me to go with him. My response? I don’t like water, am afraid of drowning, and would never in a million years want to ‘live’ on a boat. He never seemed deterred by this statement. I was as adamantly against the idea as he was for it.

When we got married we were living in Colorado. Not exactly a state known for sailing. We had moved there to get away from Texas and live our own lives away from our family. We both had good paying jobs and lots of free time. We traveled together a lot and did everything one could imagine. We were living the high life and we fit well together while doing it.

We had decided long before we got married, that neither of us wanted kids. We looked at our own parents, and absolutely didn’t want to end up like them. We knew so many people who’s relationships disintegrated after starting a family, and neither of us liked the thought of bringing kids into a world like that. So we enjoyed our life together, just the two of us, doing what we wanted, when we wanted, as much as we wanted. After three years in an apartment, we decided there was no reason not to buy a house. We made plenty of money, and the extra space for family and friend visits would be nice. So we had our first house built together. We bought furniture, a new TV, and moved into a new house with our pets in tow. As time went by, we realized we had done just about everything together, yet something was missing. We couldn’t put our finger on it. We weren’t satisfied with the wonderful life we had created for ourselves, and we didn’t know why. My husband went on again about running away and sailing the world. “Pipe Dream.” I knew he was dissatisfied with his work, and I figured he wanted to escape. Everyone wants to escape their life, but that’s not how life works.

To be continued in Part 2.....

The Wife's Point of View

My husband began a blog Once around the block to begin informing friends and family about changes that were happening. I've created this blog to help others see things from his wife's point of view. This is simply an introductory message to let you know why I've started this blog. My next blog will be a long one. It will be long, but a quick read. Just wait for it....

summer vacation

What kind of boat does a family of four live on? How big is it? How hard is it to move it around? How safe is it? In some ways it was easier to decide to pull the kids out of school and switch to homeschool/distance learning than it was to answer all those other boat questions. We knew we wanted to go, but three of us had never been on a boat and the fourth was really rusty when it came to sailing. There are as many different types of boat as there are sailors, and none of them is perfect for everything. We thought we wanted a catamaran for several reasons. They have a lot of space in them. Each of the two hulls has one or two cabins. Each cabin has a full or queen size bed in it. That would give each child their own room. Each hull also has a head (bathroom) with a toilet and sink. The faucet from the sink can be pulled out and used as a hand shower. We would have two bathrooms. Some of the boats we are looking at have a larger head in one hull that allows for a separate shower stall. We really want one of those. Catamarans also sail fairly level, not leaning far to one side or the other as the wind and waves push them around. They are much more comfortable and have a lot more room to lounge around on than single hulled boats of the same length.

So now we have to find out if this idea will really work. We decided that the best way would be to book a sailing 'vacation' with a sailing school. We would get to stay on a catamaran for a week with an instructor that would teach us what we needed to know for basic sailing. This would let us answer several questions at the same time. The class would be on a 37' catamaran. We would be able to verify that a catamaran would work. We would also be able to tell if the boat we were on was too big or too small for us. We would be on the boat for a full week, sailing every day on the coast of Florida. Brenda and Alex would be learning to sail, while I would be learning how to sail a boat that big for the first time. We would be sleeping, cooking and eating on board. That would let us see a glimpse of the lifestyle that we thought we wanted. How would we feel after a week?

That was our summer vacation in July 2014. The week went well overall. We did answer most of our questions, at least well enough. The boat was a little cramped, mostly because we had to accommodate a fifth person, our Captain and instructor. If there had been just the four of us, we think it would have been fine. The first day out sailing we were in and out of thunderstorms all day. It was July after all. All four of us were a little queasy at various times as the boat got tossed around, but we all handled it ok. We did sing the Gilligan's Island theme to get through it, though. After that the rest was fairly easy. Sailing the boat is a one person operation unless you need to adjust the sails. Then a second person is really helpful. I'm not saying I'm ready to cross an ocean, but all four of us feel we would be able to sail up and down the coast or between islands safely. It took two nights to get used to sleeping on a boat at anchor. While the boat is technically tied down to the ground by the anchor, it still bobs and moves with the waves and wind. By the third night we had gotten used to it and slept well. By the end of the week the four of us took the boat back to the dock without help from the Captain.

We also learned several valuable lessons about things we would want on our boat. Boats generally do not have air-conditioning. It takes too much electricity. We actually adjusted to this fairly quickly. It was warm at night, but the boat had at least one large opening hatch or window in each cabin, plus small electric fans. What it did not have was window screens. While we feel ok about no a/c, we have to have screens to keep the bugs out. We also feel that we have to have a watermaker on board. The boat we were on only carried about one hundred gallons of water. Plenty to cook and clean with, but not enough for real showers. We think that constantly having to watch water usage and look for places to refill is not how we want to live. With a watermaker and a small portable generator we can 'make' twenty to thirty gallons per hour of fresh water as needed. That is the way to go for us. This boat also had a 'no paper in the head' rule. That means that all toilet paper had to be thrown away, not flushed. It wasn't as bad as you might think. It is possible to fold or roll used paper up to minimize the odor. Still this is not something we want to live with. As long as the hoses and tanks are kept in good condition, there is no reason that septic safe toilet paper cannot be flushed.

Overall it was a very productive and successful trip. We verified that we could live on a boat like we wanted. We learned that we can sail that boat safely. Since it was a real school, we got certifications that allow us to charter a boat like the one we sailed if we wanted.