Why?

Why? Why were we living life the way we were? Because that’s what we had been taught. Our parents, the media, the schools, other parents all said the same thing. You spend your years as a parent paving the road for your children to have a better life. After your kids are gone you can have your own life again. But in reality, we were simply paving the road for our children to have the same life. The same life we had, and the same life our parents had. Now, again, don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with living life the way we were. The ‘American Dream’ is just a dream for some. We had so much more than most. The problem was that we were greedy. We wanted MORE for our children, MORE for us. But what was MORE?

The stress of my husband’s job got worse every year. Every year there was more talk of sailing into the sunset. Every time I stood my ground that it wasn’t right for me or the kids. Then the high cholesterol numbers and high blood pressure numbers got worse and worse for my husband. Medication was no longer an option, but a necessity. I realized that he would have to retire when he was eligible. If he didn’t, he might not be around for my daughter’s high school graduation. I began to work the numbers. How were we going to keep this life for our kids on a lower income? Then I would chastise myself. Most families with two incomes brought in half what my husband did, and they were fine. We would just have to downsize so we could keep that golden path for our kids to run on.

Then several things happened all at once. My son broke his foot and missed a whole season of baseball, and then he decided to quit all together. My daughter became one of the ‘cool’ kids and befriended some really mean girls. The elementary school curriculum seemed to get worse every year. The middle school felt more like a prison to my son than a learning environment. My son started getting remarks like “Dude, are you Asian or something?” since he was so smart in class. My daughter would get teased if a blemish popped up on her face. My son began to hide how smart and talented he was. My daughter began to make mean remarks about others. I was disappointed that my son had quit baseball after a decade of playing. I was disappointed that my daughter was turning into a ‘mean girl’. I realized I was ‘disappointed’ that my children were straying from my ‘golden path’. They were branching out on their own and trying to find their own path. I realized that the whole ‘college plan’ wasn’t working for the majority of current college graduates. There was hundreds of articles discussing how college might not be worth the money anymore. I began to wonder why we were doing any of it. Why? So, I let go.

Stay tuned, more to come......